My son refused to finish his breakfast yesterday. Over the past two weeks, my wife and I noticed a change in his behavior in the mornings: after I sat him down for breakfast, got him started and would take the dog out for a walk, he would run upstairs to my wife, claim that he was full or his stomach hurt. Our supposition was that when he didn’t like breakfast, he knew he could get a snack he liked at school. What to do?
- Ignore the behavior (but then it would continue).
- Take away breakfast (but then he would still get fed at school).
- Serve him a breakfast he likes (but then he is in control of situation).
This situation highlights the difficulty of parenting. In the hectic moments of the day, sometimes we choose the easiest path, giving in to our children’s demands. Sometimes this may be acceptable, but often it leads to bigger problems, especially if we become anxious about the issue. Consider the following before making a decision:
- Will my decision solve the long-term situation, or just stop the tantrum right now?
- What will my decision teach my child in the long run?
- Are my expectations realistic, and does my child understand what is expected of him or her in this situation?
Very often the short-term solution does not help (and can actually cause more problems) in the long run. At times we may even think we are helping our child by removing him or her from the anxiety-provoking situation, but then he or she may learn to avoid scary situations rather than learning how to deal with the situation.
At the OC Anxiety Center, we treat the individual and importantly work with the family, teaching them how to train their child to handle future difficult situations better.